And Next?

Abby has been on a kick lately of using the phrase  "and next?" or "then what are we gonna do after...."  IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!  Some times at lunch even before we eat she will be asking what is for dinner. Or as soon as she wakes up in the morning she is wanting to know what we are going to be doing after nap time.  My answer is almost always, "don't worry about it, worry about what is happening right now."

The lesson that I am trying to teach my daughter is one I need to learn myself!  It is one that God has been teaching me ever since we decided to come to Cambodia.  Even before we got here we were trying to plan what we would do after our nine months.  Well, God laughed at that and brought two beautiful brown game changers into our lives and nine months turned into an unknown amount of time.

Then this year has been a huge season of living one step at a time trusting in God's faithfulness.  In April we began paperwork for foster care and had to wait for laws to open up, then in June we got our papers turned in and had to wait for approval, then in August we got approved and had to wait for travel permissions, then we had to wait for passports, then for visas... the whole time we didn't know what the next step would hold.  At any time our plans could come to a stop with just one thing not being approved.  Even though the whole process only took 7 months (way shorter than most) it was a lot of sitting and waiting.  We knew the plans we wanted, we knew we wanted to visit family for the Holidays but we were unable to plan until everything had gone through.  I felt like Abby, always saying "and then what?"  But God only gave us one step at a time.

This is how life is!  If we could plan our whole lives we would never live!  We would always be looking forward to the next thing and forgetting what is now!  I find myself looking forward to November 12th.  I am so so so excited to go to America and see my family that I keep thinking "Ugh!  this week is dragging by!"  Instead I should be enjoying each day.  I should be living in the moment.  I should be getting excited that Melody has learned to zerbert and is very very close to her first tooth.  I should be taking the time to play with Abby and Lily rather than spending time worrying about how they will be on the plane.

My challenge for this week, for myself and for you, is to live in the moment!  I know it is cliché and you can find countless quotes saying this same thing but maybe that is for a reason!  Maybe its because we have such a hard time with it!  I know I do!

Reward System For The Win!

I am horrible at sticker charts!!!  Especially here in Cambodia where nothing stays on the wall without a screw.  

Ever since Melody was born Lily's potty training has slowly digressed.  She was completely in underwear (even at night) for two months before Mel was born but afterwards it just got worse and worse.  I kept thinking surely she's gonna snap out of it, she can't be wet the bed and have accidents forever!  But the closer she gets to four years old the more  I'm wondering if it's ever gonna happen.  We tried sticker charts but like I said before, I am horrible at them.  They wouldn't stay on the wall, I would forget to give her her sticker, I forgot to print a new one.... the list goes on.   

Recently I noticed some Frozen night gowns at the market and an idea struck me!  Having a tangible reward for staying dry might just do the trick!  So I bought one for both girls.  When I got home I needed a way to display them as a reminder and also needed a way for them to earn them (since sticker charts are a no go).  So I tied a string up with several knots down it to create loops and hung the gowns on hangers in the first loop. 

Now every time Lily stays dry all night all we have to do is move her gown down one loop.  When it gets to the bottom it is hers!  I didn't want to leave Abby out so we decided that every time she sleeps during nap time (something she has always struggled with) she could move her gown down.  

Believe it or not Abby has slept 4 days in a row and Lily has been dry 3!  

Another reason I like this system so much is because the girls are able to earn the things they want through out the year.  A down side to having birthdays and Christmas fall just a month apart is no presents the rest of the year!  With this reward system they still get new things but have a reason for getting them.  :)

Here are their dresses.  You can really see the stings because they blend in to the curtains. 

Do It Yourself!

Sometimes I feel like we push things on other people saying they are more qualified for the job.  In reality it isn't because they are more qualified, it is because we just don't want to do it.

It has been so frustrating trying to get anything legal done in this country.  Starting with Melody's birth certificate and passport.  We went on rabbit trail after rabbit trail trying to figure out what paperwork we needed and where or how to get it.  Every time we asked someone they would send is to ask another person who would send us somewhere else who would give us the wrong paper and we would start all over again.  

Now in trying to get paperwork to file for foster care of Abby and Lily it has proved to be the same thing.  We need a background check. They tell us maybe at the embassy, so we email them and they forward it to another office...no answer.  So at the embassy getting another paper done, we ask how to get a background check done.  "Oh, we don't do that here. Go to the FBI website."  Okay! An answer! Then we go to the website... It says to go to the embassy!  Erg!  This is how it has been!  Every time!  We did in the end get it all figured out but geeze!!!  I feel like it should be easier. For something so official, they don't seem to have their act together.

It makes me think of my life.  How many times has someone asked me for help and I just pointed them somewhere else?  How many times has Abby came to ask me for something and I said "I'm busy, go ask your dad."  A lot.  I bet almost all of those times, had I just pause for a moment, I would have been able to help instead of pushing it off on someone else.

You Can't Take The Country Out Of The Girl

You know the saying "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl?"  Well, it is so true!  I will always be a country girl at heart.  My brother and I grew up playing in the creek behind our house, riding four wheelers, fishing, hunting, and enjoying the beautifulness that is country living.

Being back there in the peaceful country was so refreshing.  My dad and I went mushroom hunting one day. (We found one tiny mushroom) All I could think about was bringing my girls back there.  I can't wait to take them mushroom hunting, to show them the best places to play in the creek, and to teach them to just sit in the quietness and listen.  There is a valuable lesson in learning to take in God's creation... The smells, the sounds, the sights, and even the taste! 
Later we got out the 22s and did some target shooting, I beat dad 5-2!  Then I was thinking of how I wanted my girls to be tough. I don't mean "beat you up" tough but the "I can take care of myself and not be afraid of everything" tough. Here in Cambodia they don't have a chance to get out and explore, to learn that life isn't scary, to fall down and learn to wipe off the mud and keep going.  In this city of concrete all they have to play with are toys... Growing up I had so much more than just toys.  I had a backyard, trees to climb, the timber to explore, and a creek to play in.  I want that for my girls.

My word while I was back in the states was bittersweet.  I loved being back home, I loved how clean everything was, I loved the comforts that I had forgotten about. But at the same time, I missed my family.  I wanted them there with me.  I like being in Cambodia, I like being in God's will but that doesn't mean it is easy.  It is definitely not easy to be so far from home, so far from family.  There were sometimes while I was back that I thought "wow! I have been gone so long!" And other times that it felt like I hadn't ever left.  In the end it left me more hopeful and more prayerful.  I just keep hoping and praying for the day God sends us back home.  Even just for a little while.

Don't Worry About A Thing

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

I have never been too much of a worrier but I also don't think it is coincidence that I find myself singing Bob Marley and quoting Philippians 4:6-7 all the time.  Whenever I start to get anxious about a situation I just pray about it and find that peace that surpasses my understanding.  There have been several times in my life when I am worried about something or overwhelmed and God has showed me that peace. 

I have found myself worrying quite a bit lately and unable to find peace.  I have let people get in my head instead of God.  People that say I should be worried. People that judge me for not being worried.  People that are worried for me.  I have let them get to me.  I am done!  

Sure I have a lot to worry about.  Melody was born a month early.  I live in Cambodia where dirt and germs are everywhere.  I was sent home after 3 days in the hospital to take care of my baby that would probably still be in the hospital in America.  Melody is almost 4 weeks old and is still not gaining weight.  Strep throat is present at BYKOTA house.  I have to feed Melody breast milk and formula every two hours. I could keep going if I let myself!

With my lack of sleep it is very easy to find myself thinking about these things.  Thinking that I wish I was in America and that I could just lock Melody and I in a germ free room and never leave.  

Starting now though I choose, instead of worrying and "stewing" as my grandpa would say, to pray.  I choose to believe that "every little thing is gonna be alright."  God has everything under control.  There is nothing I can do to make Melody gain weight or to keep her from getting sick.  It is all in God's hands and I trust Him.  I trust that He will take care of my baby just like He takes care of everything else in the entire world.  My God, who created the world, who made me, who made Melody, who heals people every second, can take care of us.  All I have to do is trust him and let my request be made know to Him.

Please join me in praying for Melody.  As of right now she only weighs 4.8 pounds and hasn't gained any substantial weight since she was born.  Everything else is fine.  Her color is good, her muscle tone is good, she is more and more alert every day and she is eating better every day.  For some reason, though, she is just not gaining weight.  We go back to the doctor on Wednesday.  Please pray that she has gained weight by then.  Also, with the threat of strep throat going around, please pray for protection for my family.  Melody is too small to fight off sickness and with preschoolers in the house germs are just not easily contained. 

Thank you for your support and prayers for my family.  I can't tell you how much it means to us.

Babies and Traditions

In America we have several things that we do to get ready for a baby.  We have a baby shower (or two, or three), we decorate the baby room and gather tons and tons of supplies that we"need,"  we choose a name, we have a gender reveal party, and attend child birth and parenting classes.  During child birth we get to choose who we want in the room with us, what we want in the room with us (tv, music, candles), and we get to decide on just about everything from medication to birthing postition.  After birth we stay in the hospital a few days (depending on baby and mothers health) and have many visitors.  After we go home from the hospital, aside from a few more visitors and dinners made for us, we are on our own.  We enjoy our new addition and in a few days we are ready to step back into society (church, Wal-Mart, family events).

Being in a place of so many different cultures I have found that there are some very different and strange traditions that go with child birth around the world. Such as one friend that came to see us said that in China it is custom after child birth to drink a certain type of wine. I read another blog about different traditons, in one country new mothers are given a box of baby things and a matress in the bottom when they give birth, often times the baby sleeps in the box for the first few months.

Cambodia like everywhere else has it's own tradtions and beliefs.  One is that after birth they light a fire under the mother... I have yet to figure out why but I am very very glad I am not Cambodian!  Another I learned the day we got home from the hospital.  Since Melody was such a surprise to us I didn't have anything at the hospital except the date night clothes I had packed for our get away.  I wasn't sure what I had clean at home so I just asked Micah to grab me some gym shorts and a tank top.  Apparently that was not the right attire.  When we got home the lady across the street was very adament that I needed to have long sleeve and pants on.  The next day, our tuk tuk driver said the same thing and also added gloves, socks, and a fuzzy hat.  When I asked why, he said it was so I didn't get cold....  Um, hello!  It is 90 degrees!  I am hot!!!!  My doctor said that Khmer women wear winter clothes for several weeks after birth... crazy people. :P  A few days later I was at the store with my mom.  The clerk asked how old Melody was (10 days at the time).  She was so impressed that I was out and about.  She said that khmer women don't get out of bed for almost a month after birth.  Also, they are very scared of new babies.  She told us that she didn't hold her son much until he was about 3 months because she was afraid to drop him.  Also on this line we recently got a new baby at BYKOTA house.  The staff begged us to keep her at the Benz's house until she was 3 months because they were afraid of her.  When it comes to naming a baby it is Budhist culture that the parents take the baby to the local pagoda and a monk tells them what the baby should be named.

I am curious.  What are your baby traditions?  Does your family do something special when a baby comes?

Melody Roem Bergen is here!

Unless we are not facebook friends (in which case we should be)  you know by now that Melody Roem made her appearance on January 25th. She was a whole month early and really caught us by surprise!  Micah and I had gone out for a little get-away for my birthday.  We started the day (Friday) off with a trip to see Dr. Gloria so we could see the birthing room, go over how things would be done, and just have my weekly check up.  While we were there she said that Melody had dropped down and was in a really good position.  When she used the words "the baby is engaged," Micah about had a heart attack.  She then said that babies often are "engaged" 3-4 weeks before they are born.  Nothing to worry about, everything was fine, so from there we went baby shopping, and had a great day together before going to our hotel.  My lower back had been hurting all day but I didn't really think much about it.  I just figured it was normal pregnancy things.  Once we got to the hotel I really wasn't feeling too well but, once again, I thought it was normal pregnancy stuff.  So we lounged around, I had a bath (which are very few and far between here in this land of no bathtubs) and we ordered pizza to our room.  We were having a great time just being lazy and not worrying about where we needed to be or what we needed to be doing. 

Our pleasant little get-away took a crazy turn though, at about 12:30 that evening.  I woke up to what felt like a huge kick and then my water broke!  At first I wasn't sure what was happening but then I was sure when the first contraction came.  I woke Micah up and told him to call Dr. Gloria.  She told him to time the contractions and call back in an hour.  Little did she know that my contractions were already about a minute apart.  Thirty minutes later I told him that I couldn't wait an hour unless he wanted to deliver this baby right there in the bathroom.  So he called back and we went on our way.  Melody was born at 2:30, less than an hour after we got to the hospital!  She was 5lbs 4 oz and 19in long!  

God's hand was at work in all of it.  I am very very thankful for such an uneventful birth.  On top of that, we already had babysitters for the night and the hotel was closer to the hospital than our house is.  Praise the Lord for His excellent, though unexpected, timing.

Melody was born healthy.  She breathed on her own and maintained her heat well.  The only problem was her blood sugar.  She had really low blood sugar (common in pre-term babies) and was really really sleepy.  This made it hard for us to feed her.  The nurses came in every hour and gave her dextrose to keep her hydrated and get her blood sugars up.  We also started trying to get her to breast feed... what a challenge!  Who knew it was going to be so hard!  

We went home from the clinic on Tuesday with instructions to give her 5mls of dextrose and to express milk to feed her with a syringe every hour with daily check ups at the clinic.  Then on Saturday she upped it to 10mls every hour.  Melody still hadn't really nursed but we kept trying.  She was getting more and more alert but every hour was getting very hard!  Finally on Sunday Melody started to nurse!  Not every time, but it was progress!  The next day she nursed 3 times!  Then yesterday (Tuesday) Melody was 10 days old and Dr. Gloria said we could start to reduce the dextrose... and cut back to every TWO hours!  Woohoo!  That was the best news I had heard yet!  Melody has nursed almost every time we have tried since then.  We still wrestle through it a little but she eventually gets it.  

Abby and Lily absolutely love her.  They are still not allowed to touch her since she is so little (plus they have runny noses right now) but they are constantly asking to see her.  I don't know how many times I have hear "Look!  She moved!"

Thank you for all your prayers for us during this time.  God has really blessed our family!  

Here is Dr. Gloria and Sokha, the midwife on duty when Melody was born.

Melody Roem Bergen 2 days old :)

 

"Why Did Nobody Tell Them?"

They say that the average female speaks about 20,000 words a day.  I think Abby says at least double that!  And of that 40,000 words I am pretty sure that 3/4 of them are questions. (The other 1/4 being movie quotes.)

Some of her questions are just ridiculous... the kind of questions that are impossible to answer. My favorite so far is: "What are all the people doing?"  This was said while sitting at the dinner table looking out our door... there were no people in sight...

Then there are those questions that everybody thinks about but never actually vocalizes because we realize they can not be answered.  Usually she asks these while driving in the tuktuk.  "Where are they going?"  "What is he doing?"  "Who's house is that?"  "Why did they get married?"...The list could go on still.

Most of the time I think she is just wanting to talk because her questions are really just statements in question form.  "Why is that baby there?" (Look at that baby)  "Why did Lily get a spanking?" (Haha! Lily got in trouble!)  

Every once in a while though she has a really good question.  On the way home from church on Sunday she asked "Why are there too many people who don't go to church?" "Well," I said, "because they probably don't know who Jesus is." "Why don't they know who Jesus is?"  "Because we live in Cambodia and nobody has told them yet, I guess."  "Why did nobody tell them?"

Unfortunately our conversation ended shortly because we got home and everyone got distracted.  But it made me think.  Why did nobody tell them?  There are NGO's out the wazoo here!  I have been a missionary here for a year and a half!  Now, Cambodia's Christian population is growing and more and more Cambodians are coming to Christ. Praise the Lord!  But still, I have people that I see everyday that still maybe have never heard about Jesus.  WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  She really has inspired me to pursue these relationships that God has placed in my life to further His kingdom.

Although I really hope Abby's 1000 questions a day stage ends soon, I hope she never looses her curiosity.  I hope she keeps questioning why the people don't know Jesus.  But more than that, I hope it spurs her to do something about it.  

What about you?  Do you have relationships in your life that you could influence towards Christ?

Rip Your Heart Out

Today the girls went to visit their birth mother, Srey Ron (Mat Ron as they call her).  I was happy when Srey Rua (the girls' aunt that works at BYKOTA house) asked if they could go, Abby has been asking for a while to see Mat Ron.  It has never bothered me before.  I am glad the girls know who their birth mom is and when Abby and Lily became "ours"  we promised her that we would keep them in contact with their family.

When they got back today I was happy they had had fun.  Then I had a "rip your heart out" moment on the ride home with Abby.  She said "I'm sad, I don't want to go anywhere.  I like that mommy, I like that Mat Ron. I want to go back to see Mat Ron." Now, if you have ever heard Abby talk you know that she always has a happy tone of voice and she repeats her self a lot.  So by the time she was done talking she said at least five times that she liked Mat Ron and she wanted to go back.  I don't think she meant she didn't want to live with us anymore...and she is 4... you can't really take anything she says to heart but it still hurt. I want my girls to know their mom.  I want them to love her.  But I want them to love me more...I am Mommy, not her! I hated hearing Abby call Srey Ron "Mommy."  I am the one that protects them and feeds them and teaches them how to be human. ME!

That's when I realized that I was wrong.

God entrusted them to Srey Ron first.  Then she, a Christian lady, entrusted them to us because she loved them and wanted them safe.  I don't need to worry about who they like more. Nor do I need to worry about who they want to be with.  The fact is that God has given them to us and I don't need to be jealous of their real mom or worry that she is going to steal their affection.  Worry and Jealousy... two sins combined into one!  Instead I choose to trust God in what He has promised me and to be happy that my girls have two moms who both want what is best for them.

Is there worry or jealousy in your life?  How can you switch it around to a Godly attitude?