Today the girls went to visit their birth mother, Srey Ron (Mat Ron as they call her). I was happy when Srey Rua (the girls' aunt that works at BYKOTA house) asked if they could go, Abby has been asking for a while to see Mat Ron. It has never bothered me before. I am glad the girls know who their birth mom is and when Abby and Lily became "ours" we promised her that we would keep them in contact with their family.
When they got back today I was happy they had had fun. Then I had a "rip your heart out" moment on the ride home with Abby. She said "I'm sad, I don't want to go anywhere. I like that mommy, I like that Mat Ron. I want to go back to see Mat Ron." Now, if you have ever heard Abby talk you know that she always has a happy tone of voice and she repeats her self a lot. So by the time she was done talking she said at least five times that she liked Mat Ron and she wanted to go back. I don't think she meant she didn't want to live with us anymore...and she is 4... you can't really take anything she says to heart but it still hurt. I want my girls to know their mom. I want them to love her. But I want them to love me more...I am Mommy, not her! I hated hearing Abby call Srey Ron "Mommy." I am the one that protects them and feeds them and teaches them how to be human. ME!
That's when I realized that I was wrong.
God entrusted them to Srey Ron first. Then she, a Christian lady, entrusted them to us because she loved them and wanted them safe. I don't need to worry about who they like more. Nor do I need to worry about who they want to be with. The fact is that God has given them to us and I don't need to be jealous of their real mom or worry that she is going to steal their affection. Worry and Jealousy... two sins combined into one! Instead I choose to trust God in what He has promised me and to be happy that my girls have two moms who both want what is best for them.
Is there worry or jealousy in your life? How can you switch it around to a Godly attitude?
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